ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
