dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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