kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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