The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
