Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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