@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I'm too high and old for this...
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
