im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
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The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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