Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
