he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
