Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
