Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
