I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
