I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
