I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
