somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I just threw up on my dentist
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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