Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
i would one night stand the shit outta him
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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