Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
