i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
