idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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