So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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