Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
