I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
