Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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