good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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