Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Randomize
