So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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