Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
