your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I just had sex on a roof
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
