oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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