Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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