I like to think it a success when the cops are called
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Randomize
