Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
