if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Randomize
