I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
