this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
