Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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