There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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