I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
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Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
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I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
is it fun? or sober?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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