you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
