peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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