i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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