broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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