I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
