I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
