sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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