There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
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