I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
