I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
