she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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