Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
