so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I want to be your penis for a week.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
