Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
