I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
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I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
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Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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