I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
