Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
