i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize
