My hand turned me down
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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