Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
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