I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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