I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
