Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
