You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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