i can't believe i had my finger in that
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
