Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
