I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
