Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
