He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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