My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
