He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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