I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Randomize
